Day Three- In which I learn about worst case scenarios

I was doing such a good job today. I even had my very first call on the crisis phone, and didn't lose it.It ended up not being a legit crisis, thank goodness, just someone grossly misunderstanding what you use a crisis hotline number for.

I saw four clients and wasn't distracted, and felt... normal. I even got some pretty cool news today, and I'm really very excited.

Cut to me completely convincing myself that my (ex?)boyfriend was unconscious on his apartment floor, because he didn't answer his phone for a while and I knew he hadn't been feeling well lately. Real cute, Claire. He's fine, by the way, but I went 0-worst case in 2.5 hours and it was not pretty.

I do believe I salvaged the day. Jodie accompanied me to yoga class in the evening, where I confessed to her that I had put this blog on Facebook, but chickened out a few hours later. I'll get brave again,I hope.

I had another weird thought today. A friend of mine said something the other day that really kind of made me jump. I don't even remember what the context was or what came before or after the phrase, but she said "...and I know you want to be an adult so bad..." I can see how that might look like it was maliciously said, but it wasn't. But all the same I started and thought Do I? 

And, unfortunately, a few hours of thinking lead me to:"yup." Here's this awful thing I realized I'm doing: I'm really scared about the next stage in my career (especially after last week!). I've NEVER, not once, had a legit, grown-up job. They've all just been things to keep me un-poor while I was in school. And now I'm trying to enter the real world, and I'm learning that I'm not an adult at all! And I thinkI started getting annoyed at other people for being un-adult, when I was really just disappointed in myself for always being broke, not really knowing how to cook. And so I was a jerk to other people about something I didn't like about myself. Carl  Jung's shadow, anyone?

Anyway, that's self-care day three. A little up, a little down, kind of mellow at the end.